The Bonds Within Read online

  Josh let himself in and paused at the doorway, listening to his parents laugh as they entertained. He closed the door and hung his coat before walking into the lounge.

  "Joshua, son. It's about time you got here," his Dad, John, said as he stood. "Come in. You know Aaron and his wife, Diane. This is their daughter Catherine."

  Josh smiled and sat on the sofa next to Catherine, the only seat left unoccupied. He wouldn't put it past his parents to have designed the seating arrangement, so he was left with no other choice.

  When they sat to eat, the conversation turned to Seb. Josh groaned, staring down at his plate. They couldn't go one fucking night without Seb being brought up. Seb and his lifestyle. How Seb was with him or it. They never referred to Tom by name.

  The Wrights sympathised with his parents. Of course, they would. They all went to the same church and held the same views on gays and same-sex relationships.

  "I just don't know how they can defile themselves that way? It's abhorrent. We've struggled to reach Sebastian. He tells us he's in love with it. How can he love another man? He won't go to church with us or pray. I wonder if we will ever be able to save his soul."

  "I understand. They seem to be everywhere, don't they? Demanding to have the same rights as normal people. But, they aren't normal, are they? I wonder what we can do to save ourselves from their filth and the degradation they spread," Aaron commented.

  Kath nodded in agreement. "I know, Aaron. It's everywhere. You see them kissing and holding hands. They even show it on the TV now. How can they expect to be accepted into society when they are the worshippers of Satan? Defilers and sinners. I worry for my Sebastian. I don't know how to reach him and show him the error of his ways. He's my son. How do I help him when he is insistent that he is doing nothing wrong?"

  Diane leant forward and patted Kath's hand. "It must be so hard for you. How are you coping?"

  "The best we can, Diane. We pray for our son's soul and hope that he will eventually see the error of his ways. At least Josh is normal. We can be thankful for that."

  Josh gaped at his mum. There was nothing wrong with Seb. That one thought made him pause. Was that the first time he'd realised it? That there was nothing wrong with his brother. He frowned thinking over his small revelation.

  "Joshua. Why don't you help Catherine bring in the drinks?" John asked him.

  "Sure, will do." Anything to get out of this room.

  Chapter Ten

  Josh stood in the kitchen when he heard movement behind him. Twisting around, he found Catherine leaning on the counter, rubbing her face with her hands.

  "It's so fucking hard," she muttered.

  He faced her, raising his eyebrows. "So, it's not just me?"

  "Fuck, no." Catherine leant on the counter and crossed her arms. "I fucking hate it when they drag me out to these meals. I know they're trying to set me up."

  "Yeah, me too. I didn't want to be here."

  "Me either, and I know we have to go back in there and pretend to be all happy and saintly and shit. I fucking hate it."

  "Do you have to go church too?" Josh asked as he set the tray with the items he'd need.

  "Yeah. I've even faked being ill."

  "Me too. Still got dragged to church 'cause, you know, God can cure the sick and all that shit."

  Catherine laughed. "I can't wait to go Uni next year. Don't care what I study as long as it's nothing to do with religion."

  "Yeah, you'll enjoy the freedom. The studying is shit, but I loved the parties."

  "Are you two going to be much longer?" Kath asked as she walked into the kitchen.

  "Just getting the coffee now, Mum." Josh put the cups on a tray and added milk and sugar.

  "It's so lovely to see you two getting along."

  Josh glanced over at Catherine, who had her head down, and watched as her shoulders shook.

  "Yeah, Mum. I'll bring it in now."

  They followed Kath back into the dining room where the conversation was still on Seb and gays in general.

  "Ah, Joshua. We were just talking about how we need to have some form of intervention where Sebastian is concerned," John told him.

  "Intervention?" Josh repeated, frowning as he glanced between his parents.

  "Yes. I thought we might have him over and –"

  "You know he's old enough to decide for himself? Seb's legally an adult now." Josh continued to frown, watching his parents.

  "He is our son, and he obviously needs our help."

  Josh sat as he tuned out of the conversation. A fucking intervention. Seb was twenty-seven, for fuck's sake. An adult. What the fuck were his parents thinking?

  "It was nice to see you at the shop, Mum." Josh interrupted the conversation. He would even talk about work if it stopped then talking about his fucking brother.

  "Yes, well, I needed to make sure you came tonight. Everything alright? You don't need anything, do you?" Right. What she meant was did he need any money, because somehow they felt that if they gave him enough money, they were loving and supportive parents when they pretty much ignored him. Their focus was on Seb as it always was. Even when Josh had rebelled, they had thrown more money at him and had taken him to church more often.

  Josh stood and left the dining room. Standing in the kitchen, he thought about all the things he'd done as a teenager to try and get their attention. All the petty crimes he'd been involved in. He shook his head. The fact that he'd gotten Liz pregnant and walked away. But of course, they didn't know about that.

  Why didn't they see him? Why was it always Seb?

  He fucking hated them. Hated Seb. Even now, after telling their parents he was involved with Tom, they still wanted to help Seb. Fucking intervention. Josh snorted, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. All they did for him was throw money his way, pat him on the head, and then send him away. He needed to leave. Make up some excuse and then go. He pushed away from the counter and walked back into the dining room. It was time to fucking go.

  ❊❊❊

  Josh slammed his front door behind him and threw his car keys on the sofa. Running his fingers through his hair, he searched the floor, looking for the bottle of vodka he'd bought earlier in the week. He needed to get drunk and forget.

  Taking a mouthful, he coughed when the vodka hit the back of his throat, burning a path down it. He checked his phone again. Still silence from Matt. What the fuck was he going to do? Josh should just forget about him and move on just like Matt had forgotten about him. Why the fuck wasn't Matt calling him back?

  Josh threw the bottle of vodka at the wall, screaming as the bottle smashed, raining vodka and glass onto the floor. Fuck. He had nothing else in. Screaming again, he started to rip the cushions from the sofa and threw them around the room. He grabbed items off the side table and smashed them against the wall. He screamed continuously as he smashed up his living room.

  When he finally finished, Josh stood still, panting heavily, skin drenched in sweat. He glanced over the debris, snorted at the state of the living room, then grabbed his coat, storming from his flat and slamming the door behind him. Josh walked to the nearest pub and ordered a double vodka which he downed in one. He would forget about Matt. He then ordered another and another.

  ❊❊❊

  Josh winced when he heard the bell over the door chime. Fuck, his head was pounding, like someone was sat in it with a hammer. He swallowed, his stomach churning, and plastered a smile on his face as he turned to face the customer.

  He stopped and stared his mouth falling open. Matt was in front of him and looked as equally shocked. This was the last place he expected to see Matt. Not like he'd told him where he worked, but it was nowhere near the building Matt's lectures were held in.

  "Hi, Josh," Matt muttered, looking around the place. Anywhere but at him.

  Josh frowned looking Matt up and down, noticing the way he looked. He looked like shit. Pale skin, shadows under his eyes, sunken cheeks. He'd lost weight. Josh could see that straight away.


  "Matt. What can I get ya?" Josh asked. He still had a job to do.

  "Just a regular coffee, please."

  "Stay in or take out?"

  "Take out, I think."

  Josh stood in front of the coffee machine and went through the process of making Matt's drink. He heard a cough behind him.

  "So, how've you been?"

  Josh's shoulders tensed, and he gripped the counter in front of him. How had he been?

  "Great. Went to a club and spent the night with some girl I picked up. You?"

  As he finished talking, he faced Matt and watched the expressions on his face to what he'd said. Matt looked down, closing his eyes and biting his lip. His shoulders slumped as he reached into his bag to retrieve his wallet. He slowly nodded his head before he lifted it and stared at Josh. Josh could see a film over Matt's eyes as Matt reached for his drink.

  "How much," he whispered.

  "Nah, it's alright. I got it."

  "No. I want to pay." Matt clenched his jaw and gripped his wallet.

  "Matt, I've got it. I guess I'll seeya 'round." Josh picked up a cloth and started wiping the counter.

  He only stopped and looked up when he became aware that Matt had walked away. He watched him leave the shop, noticing the way he walked. Slouched over with one hand clutching the bag on his shoulder.

  "Reuben, I need a minute."

  Not waiting for an answer, Josh walked into the back and leant on the counter, closing his eyes. Fuck. His chest was so heavy; it felt like he could barely lift it. Why did he feel like this? It wasn't like they had any sort of future. He wasn't gay. He didn't look at men and think about fucking them. Only Matt. Only Matt got him so turned on he didn't know how to act.

  He scrubbed his eyes when they started to sting and burn. Nope, not going to fucking cry over Matt. He rubbed his chest. Why was it so hard to breathe? It was like there was no oxygen in the room.

  "Josh, need ya, man."

  Josh looked at the door, and taking a deep breath, walked out to find a queue. Smiling, he faced the next customer and asked for their order. As they told him, he glanced at the door. He wanted to leave. He wanted to find Matt.

  ❊❊❊

  Friday night and Josh was in a club with Andy. Andy was trying to decide who he would take home later. His girlfriend, Sandra, had dumped him after his rant about gays, so now he was on the lookout for some girl he could hook up with.

  Josh's leg bounced under the table, and he wiped a hand over his face. He was hot and sweaty. His eyes jumped everywhere, and he constantly moved on his seat. Fuck, he needed to do something.

  Josh watched the crowd until he found a fit blonde sat in a group. She'd do. He stood and walked over to her table, smiling down at her. She gave a hesitant smile back, moving closer to the man sat next to her.

  "Wanna dance?" Josh asked, leaning down next to her.

  "No, thanks."

  "Come on. I won't take no for an answer." He grabbed her arm, pulling her from her seat. The man next to her stood and pushed him off.

  "Get the fuck off my girlfriend!"

  Josh smirked at him, clenched his fists and stood up straight, holding his shoulders back. "Now, why would I want to do that?"

  He grabbed her again, and her boyfriend stood and faced Josh, pushing back. Josh laughed then ground his teeth as his fist shot out hitting the other man.

  "What the fuck?"

  Josh landed on his back, the air rushing out of him as he grunted from the impact. He lifted his head, trying to push the other man off him. Josh somehow managed to roll them over, so he was now on top, and rained blows down, uncaring where they landed. A red mist descended, and he was blind to anything and anyone. He needed to hurt someone, and this dick would do.

  He was grabbed from behind and dragged to his feet. Hands clenched his shirt, and he was thrown to the side, landing in a heap on the floor. He wiped a hand across his mouth and glanced at it. Blood. He gingerly touched his lip and probed it with his tongue. He winced when there was a slight flare of pain.

  "You're out."

  Glaring, he stood up straight and stared into the eyes of the bouncer. The guy was easily twice the size of him. Looking around him, Josh saw the other man was still on the floor with blood leaking from his nose and lip.

  Josh smirked, and then glared at the bouncer. "Yeah. Whatever."

  He pushed through the crowd and left the club. Grabbing his phone, Josh looked at the time and smiled. The night was still young. Plenty more time to do some damage. Pocketing his phone, he went to the next club and walked in.

  ❊❊❊

  Staring in the mirror, Josh looked at his face, noticing the black eye and busted lip. He should have looked much worse. Over the course of the weekend, he'd been in three fights.

  He gripped the edge of the sink and winced at the reminder by his busted knuckles. Sighing, he raised his head again and looked into his eyes. What was he doing? He pushed off the sink and ran a hand through his hair. He was going to look great for work with his face looking the way it was. Not that Josh gave a shit.

  He turned away from the mirror and got in the shower. He needed to get his arse to work.

  Chapter Eleven

  Matt rubbed his eyes trying to read the text in front of him. Every time he tried to focus on it, the writing blurred. And even when he could read it, it wasn't sinking in. His last exam was in a couple of days, and he was looking forward to them finally being over and for the summer break to begin.

  Standing, Matt stretched, groaning as his back twinged, Matt moaned at the ache that he could feel. He'd been sat for too long in the same position again. He needed a fresh drink too. Coffee, he needed coffee.

  Walking downstairs, Matt found Tom in the kitchen, leaning on the counter with his eyes closed.

  "How's the studying going?" he asked, picking up the kettle and taking it to the sink.

  Tom grunted. "It's goin'. I think my eyes had packed their shit up and left."

  "Yeah, I know that feeling." Listening to the house, Matt realised how quiet it was. "Where's Seb?"

  Tom clenched his jaw as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Fuckin' parents called."

  Matt gasped, "And he went?"

  "They're his parents." Tom shook his head. "No wonder Josh is fucked up."

  Matt glanced over at Tom, frowning."What d'ya mean?"

  Tom rubbed his jaw as he spoke. "You know, I always hated him for what he did to me. The way he turned his back on me when I really needed him. But now I get it. His parents are fuckin' unreal. The way they've treated Seb and Josh. Seb got away from it all when he went to Uni, but from he's told me, Josh took the brunt of it after he left. The homo-hating and being forced to go to church. All the praying and shit. Apparently, it became their new passion once Seb left and they forced it on Josh."

  "Fuck." It explained some of Josh's behaviours.

  "Yeah. I mean, his parents did that before when I was still living with my parents, and that was why Josh did what he did." Tom chuckled, shaking his head. "The shit we used to pull. I guess looking back on it now, it was attention-seeking, but I'm not a therapist, so what the fuck do I know?" Pushing from the counter and reaching into the cupboard, Tom asked, "Coffee?"

  "Yeah, thanks." Matt paused before asking, "I thought they gave Josh money."

  "The fuckers are always giving him money. Doesn't make you a parent, though, does it? I remember when Josh got caught by the cops one time and his parents took him to church and made him pray then paid for him to go away on holiday. Not with them, though."

  "They didn't go?" Matt's brows shot up as he stared at Tom.

  "Nope. Went with his uncle's family."

  Matt shook his head, watching Tom make their coffee and thinking over what Tom had said. Throwing money at a problem didn't always fix it. Josh clearly wanted his parents' attention.

  "I used to envy him. He always had money and this swagger. But I think what he really needed were his parents."

&
nbsp; "Has Seb talked about it?" Matt took the mug from Tom when he passed it to him.

  "Yeah. He can't believe the way they are now. I think Josh needs help. You've heard him when he comes here. The way he screams and shouts. Can't tell you how many times I've wanted to deck the fucker. The only reason I haven't is Seb."

  Matt nodded. He had a lot to think about. "Thanks for the coffee. Gotta get back to it." He went back to his room and closed the door.

  Grabbing his phone, he searched until he found Josh's number. Should he contact him? Would Josh want to see him now? He rubbed his chest and walked to the window, looking out, running his thumb over the phone's display.

  From what Tom had said, it sounded like Josh had been left to fend for himself. Sure, his parents had given him money and a roof over his head, but not what a child really needed. Love and discipline. He knew all about that.

  Matt couldn't remember his own parents. All he could remember was one foster home after another until he moved in with Frank. That was where he met Luke.

  Matt sat on his bed thinking about what had led him and Luke onto the streets. Frank had liked Luke and not in the way a foster parent should. Every night, Frank had tried to get into Luke's room, and Luke would fight him off. But Matt knew at some point, Luke would fail, and Frank would do what he wanted to Luke. It had gotten to the point that Matt had started sleeping in Luke's room so Frank couldn't come in. That had pissed Frank off, and he would end up punching Matt for not staying in his room.

  It was after they'd sat their exams that they'd both packed their bags and left one night, wandering the streets looking for shelter. With nowhere to stay and no money, they'd eventually turned to prostitution and had met Tom.

  And now they were here.

  Matt glanced at his phone again and inhaled deeply. As he released it, he sent Josh a message asking how he was. Within minutes, Josh replied asking him to come over so they could talk.

  Rubbing the phone against his lips, Matt stared at the floor. Should he go over? He'd made this break, and it had almost torn him apart. He hadn't eaten or slept properly. People had noticed and had asked questions. Questions Matt couldn't answer.